Saying Goodbye

 Saying Goodbye


I am sitting on the balcony of our Wyndham hotel, which has been home for over a week. It has a lovely view with palm trees and a big, inviting pool of which I have not partaken.  I’ve actually really appreciated the loud human voices emanating from the outdoor restaurant below and the live jazz music that occasionally streams up here. We were living like monks for a year, and this trip has forced me to re-emerge, to reconnect with the living.  This balcony has been my writing home for many of the days we have been here.  I love this balcony! It’s outdoors, it’s people, it’s wind, it’s life. 


We are leaving today, leaving my mother-in-law.  We were able to take her out of the rehab she hated and return her to her independent living facility with 24-hour aides. She is struggling to regain her strength, to be able to walk again. She is depressed, and who wouldn’t be. Her face is still so beautiful, showing remnants of the teenage beauty queen contestant she once was. Her 89-year-old body is so frail. But she is lucid again, which she wasn’t in the hospital or the rehab. 


So we will say goodbye. At breakfast this morning, on my beloved balcony, my husband said, “Let’s not cry when we say goodbye.” At that moment we both burst into tears.



Comments

  1. I'm so glad to read a positive update about your mother-in-law!
    Soak up that sunshine... every last ray!

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  2. There is so much to love about this slice. Your description of the setting. Your account of time with and progress for your mother in law. Your noticing how good it is to be in the world again. And your account of hard human emotion- as you prepare to say goodbye for now to he. I hope she continues to grow strong and healthy.

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  3. I can just picture the feel of that balcony: a sanctuary for writing, an intimacy with strangers in the restaurant below, a place where you can think about (feel about?) your mother-in-law, in all of her beauty.

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  4. Oh Heidi! I love picturing you on the balcony, with the scent of suntan lotion in the air and jazz music playing. I am so glad your mother-in-law is better than you found her but goodbyes are so, so hard. Safe travels.

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  5. I love the quote about how saying goodbye leads to your next hello. I thought of it as I read your post. I hope everything goes well with whatever that next hello is.

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  6. Juxtaposing the energy of that balcony with those tears at the end... Whew. Hang in there.

    In other news, your line about your prior life in retreat reminded me of this bit about Covid consequences: By the end of the pandemic, the likeliest outcomes are for a person to become a hunk, a monk, a chunk, or a drunk. 😁

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  7. Reading the start of your post made me miss being able to travel and go places. I felt a little bit jealous, if I'm being honest! (No one in my family is vaccinated yet so we don't go anywhere except outdoors). But then as I read on, I felt a surge of sadness for you. It is so hard to say goodbye to our loved ones, especially when they are unhappy. Hoping your mother-in-law finds some happiness in her improved living situation.

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  8. I felt so happy for you, getting time in the sun, and happy for your mother-in-law, returning to a place where she is happier. And then that ending! Phew!!!!!

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  9. You captured it all...setting the scene of the balcony and then concisely sharing reality and worry of your mother-in-law, I began to cry... and I want to know more about the beautiful woman this woman is inside of her aging body!

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