Laughter and Tears

 Last night I had dinner out with Vanessa. Vanessa and I worked together for years at the middle school and have always shared a similar world view. We have also shared many fun adventures. 

Topping the list of adventures was driving three hours to Hartford, Connecticut after school on a Thursday to see Bruce Springsteen in concert. The following day we 'cut school' and drove to Northampton, Mass to shop around and then hike in a park. We had stopped off for chocolate ice cream from Herrell's prior to entering the park, and Vanessa placed her large open cup of ice cream on the dashboard as she was driving. Not surprisingly, it spilled all over the front of the car, all over coins she had lying about, and all over the car floor. Rich, creamy delicious chocolate ice cream was oozing everywhere. I searched my bag for tissues to no avail, but when I opened her glove compartment, there were like 80 napkins, as if she was prepared in the event of such an ice cream catastrophe! We were hysterical. I'm sure it is one of those 'you had to be there' moments but we laughed till we were gasping. I have to say that that laughter that day in her car driving around that park ranks as one of the ten best laughs of my lifetime.

Another fun adventure was when we joined a choral group in Manhattan, open to anyone who wanted to sing and rehearse for an outdoor performance at Lincoln Center. There were hundreds of singers who rehearsed in difference venues around Manhattan. You didn't have to be a professional singer or a decent singer, I might add. You just needed to show up and sing. We went into NYC for several rehearsals and always had fun dinners beforehand.

Vanessa is usually up for anything. We've seen Ta-Nehisi Coates give a talk at the 92nd Street Y, and Glenn Close and author Meg Wolitzer speak at a NY Times Talk. We've seen King Lear and Three Tall Women, attended an Arthur Miller tribute, and heard Gloria Steinem speak.

At last night's dinner we talked about the state of education, and how upset she is at students' behavior and the lack of respect that is on display at the middle school. She relayed horror stories of her encounters with students at her lunch duty post. We talked about what harm the pandemic has done to students at various stages of their growth. For an ordinarily optimistic and idealistic person and educator, she is quite disillusioned. We talked about the economy and who can afford anything these days. We talked about grocery bills and how you no longer know prices. How can anyone afford to buy a house?

We talked about her dog who will have to be put to sleep in the next few days and tears welled up in Vanessa's eyes. We talked about her mother who has dementia who leaves cruel and mean messages. We talked about pronouns and transgender issues, book banning, and what is happening in Florida.

As we were nearing the end of our dinner, Vanessa asked: "Who was it who died recently?"

"A lot of people have died recently," I replied, not wanting to pursue the direction that question was going in.

It was then that we realized that we had only talked about serious and upsetting topics. We never did talk about who died, but instead, started laughing at our dismal topic choices. And that's the beauty of being with Vanessa - we can share the best laugh and the best cry.